i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
