Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
