I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
