Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My vagina is officially offended.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
