Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
