She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
