if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
