Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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