HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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