i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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