So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
