I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
