i already hear my dad disowning me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize