Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
