I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
