I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
