Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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