Everything about him screamed your future.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
