I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
