Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
