take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
