I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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