I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
