We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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