apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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