Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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