margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
