she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize