I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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