my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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