You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
