Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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