Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
