I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
