haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
