how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
