Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
