Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He felt like a one man threesome
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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