So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
