Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
