WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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