i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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