I just made out with a guy for $7.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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