Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize