You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
