moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
