Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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