Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
handjob tips. give me some.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
