There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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