His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
