Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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