haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
