physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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