OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
