paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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