yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
