I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
