i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
