after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
