I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
