don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
