Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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