if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize