Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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