I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
