It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
