What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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