I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
