Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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