since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
