I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize