i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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