I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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