if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize