How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
