i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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