god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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