i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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