i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
