Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
