he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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