Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
