he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
