Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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