There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
