Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize