you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
