She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
