Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
