He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
