help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
