Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
