All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
