Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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