Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
