we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
