you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
