That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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