Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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