i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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